Doing a phone contract in Japan: Like stealing a candy from a kid

Hello Ozzies!

Well, well, well...Today's post is going to be about one of these things we occidental think as easy, but they Japanese think is something equivalent to jumping from a plane with no parachute. Yes ladies and gentlemen, trying to make a mobile phone contract here is like that.

My story begins at Omotesando, one week ago. I swear you I was only trying to gather information about the contract and the different plans. I am not joking, it took me more than 2 hours! The problem was not the contract (quite simple, since there is only one basic choice and some add-ons), but the telephone in itself. A huuuuuuuge mess, just to explain how the purchasing worked, how you were supposed to pay the phone, the cancellation fee, and so on...So complicated, I didn't understand a single word the guy was saying (and he was not Japanese, but American!). Plus, the shop assistant amused himself giving to each person a different version.

2 hours wasted...and counting! I finally decided to buy a second-hand phone, and buy only the SIM card, in order to spare myself from the cancellation fees. So I went with some people to Akihabara (where all technology is bought in Tokyo. That's a photo from there) in order to buy it. Mission acomplished: I bought the terminal, and went to the nearest Softbank shop (Softbank is my mobile operator...well, the mobile operator of all the Vulcanus!).

And this is when hell started...First of all, you should keep in mind that Japanese people don't speak English at all. Second Economic Power in the world, and the only thing they know in English is "wait a moment, please". Another difference with Europe: we don't use the same time references. If a Softbank shop assistant tells you "wait a moment, please", run from the place as if the devil was hunting you. 2 HOURS! AGAIN!!! Sometimes, this "harmony and peace and love" thing of the Japanese really gets on my nerves. I suppose it is the cultural shock (I really hope it is...). And the worse part of it was that I went out of the shop with no SIM card (again...)

The sequence of actions was like these:

- We enter at 7pm. In the counter, a young Japanese lady, alone, waiting for a client. So we go and tell her that we want to do a contract. She stares at us, moves her head slightly to the right, and blinks. Ok, we get it: you don't speak English...

- But hey! One of his colleagues in the shop does! Thank God, he's been to Ibiza! ("Did you enjoyed Ibiza? Yes, it was crazy! I was drunk 24h/7"). Ok, he speaks our language. We can move on.

- It's 7h30pm. We tell the guy what we want, and we ask him to translate it for us. So far, so good. The shop assistant starts typing in a lot of information in the computer. She asks for documents, and I fire her with all I have: Passport, Certificate of Residence, Mobile Phone, Bank account book. Everything is on the table, she can't say there's something missing. She starts typing...and types in, and types in, and types in... In between the typing sessions, she ask me to choose my phone number, and to sign the contract. Obviously, we don't understand each other, so the English-speaking guy has to do some trips. I'm crossing my fingers: we may get on time to go to out in Yokohama with some Vulcanus (Yokohama is like 20 mins from my house).

- 8h15: Some other Vulcanus guys arrive, also with their phones. What am I doing? Waiting, because our lovely girl is still typing God-knows-what on the computer. She has read at least 20 times all the documents, but she seems to have trouble, since she keeps on looking them. I start to get nervous: what on Earth is so complicate to understand? The Certificate of Residence is in Japanese, as well as the Bank account book. And the Passport contains the same information that the Certificate of Residence. They are not complicated at all: my name, my address, and all that silly stuff even a 3 year-old baby could understand. I mean, there's nothing to understand: only information that she should put on the phone contract.

- 8h30: Haha! the Vulcanus guys seem to have the same problems. Not a single person in the shop in able to decipher the documents (the English- speaking is long gone: the shop is closing and he has better things to do than wasting a Friday night with us). Apparently, their Certificate of Residence of the other Vulcanus students has a different format which confuses them even more. They tell them to come another day, with another format. Hahahaha...Losers!

- 9h00: I was too fast saying they're "losers". I mean, I've been here for an hour, and still don't have a phone! The Japanese start to get nervous, and the "silly questions" session begins: "Have you got a phone charger?" Can someone tell me why on Earth would that be relevant in order to create a phone contract? "Have you tried Japanese girls? You should..." Yes, of course I should...that is, if I am able to call them, which seems quite impossible in this country because having a mobile phone is like asking for the cure of cancer!

As they don't have any idea of English, they try to translate using the translator of the iPhone. Quite good, by the way. But nothing is solved: "Come again another day, there seems to be a problem with your registration" 2 Hours! And only because they are not able to understand my name! They could have said so a long time ago! This is not about cultural differences, this about being thick as a brick.

So bye bye Friday night: no Yokohama, no phone. We all go to eat gyozas (Japanese dumplings) and head for our homes...And this is what we find in the metroI wanted to post another video, but apparently it is too big (any ideas? maybe Youtube...). Remember what I said in the previous post about sleeping in the metro? This is a real master! At least, Zen super master, level 50! Look at the posture, he's even handing a phone! There was another guy, a typical example of what happens when you don't have a high alcohol tolerance. Quite funny, but at the moment it was very surprising, because all the train was silent...

Ah! Do you know how the story ended? Next day, we went to another Softbank store, with the same papers, and we had our mobile contract done in 1 hour. That girl was definetely veeeeeeery thick. I'm not trying that type of Japanese girls...

Sleep tight Ozzies!